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#10 self love

Self love is not my favorite term. I am not sure why. I think it’s because the term likes to type cast certain types of people. I don’t know maybe I am crazy. I was at Barnes Noble in Studio City in LA and I noticed that the front of the book store has this ginormous display of self-help books. I felt a little confused. Was everyone feeling what I was feeling? Does every one have bad mental health days? Why is everyone talking about this kind of stuff. I felt like a penny at the bottom of huge pond. I guess I should have felt like well at least your not alone, there are others just like you but I didn’t feel this exactly. I kind of felt like oh maybe there is nothing wrong with me if everyone is going through the same thing. Then I thought is this a millennial thing ? Are all millennial talking about mental health? I asked my friend Tracy that was with me and she said, “mental health has always existed, it’s just people are actually talking about it now.” This was even more interesting. On a side note, my mind runs a million hours an hour and I just think and think and sometimes this is a really bad thing. Basically, I overthink things. Anyways, on Friday I felt this weird feeling of self love. I feel like so many people are talking about all the things they haven’t done but what about the things you have done? I am definitely one of those people that always nags about how I haven’t done everything I have dreamed about doing. It’s really a horrible thing and I definitely realized that this week.

I am 26 years old. I am a first generation Afghani American Muslim women. I have managed to accomplish receiving a bachelors degree in Communications study and I am finishing my masters degree in May 2019 in English. These are accomplishments and goals that had for myself and I have done it.

I am going to try and remember all the little wins I have had because it matters to me. Wins matter.

It can be as small as I did a thirty minute workout today or I had a good food day today and I am proud of myself.

At the end of the day, all that matters is that you had the best day you could have had because when that day is over, it’s over. Those memories from that day will start to fade. I don’t know I just feel like this world is so temporary and that we should spend our lives living for ourselves. When we die, which might I say, we all will, nothing matters. And people forget the dead. Your achievements will be gone. Everything. That’s why when you go get a BA, you should get it for your self not your parents. I know my MA won’t really do much for me but I did it because it was a personal goal. It was for me not for anyone.

Stop worrying about your IMAGE and worry about your reality. An Instagram picture is not your reality.

I remember being a little girl and looking through an old box full of photos. Eventually, I organized all the photos by a time line of memories. Today, we all have thousand of photos in our phones. We take pictures of everything for social media. I hardly ever look through old photos. Picture have gained a lot of value but it has also lost its value at the same time.

Just live in the moment. Live for yourself not for social media. Love yourself. Do things that make you happy.

~frshta

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