Today is hashtag #Muslimgirl day.
A whole day dedicated to representing Muslim women all over the world and how awesome they are.
Originally started by the creator of the website #Muslimgirl by a sixteen year girl, Amani, ten years ago. She has blown up and her site is definitely a huge part of the Muslim community.
I have had a very long day and I really wanted to post something special for #muslimgirl day. But, I am not going to lie. I am tired.
When I look at a lot of the Muslim women who represent in the community, I feel separated from them because I don’t wear the hijab. I feel less Muslim then them and I know that is not necessarily true. But, I also don’t pray five times a day. I pray but I am not consistent. So do I consider myself a bad Muslim?
No. I don’t.
Does this mean that I was raised Muslim but that is it. That I don’t consider myself religious?
My heart is Muslim. When I think of Allah, something in my heart reacts. It reacts in a positive way. It feels really good and whenever I don’t feel that, I know something is wrong in me spiritually.
When I get scared, I always think of Allah.
When Ramadan comes, I try my best to fast every day except for the days I have my period because I am not suppose to fast on those days.
I try to read the Quran and understand the text.
I try to pray as much as I can. And I have conversations with Allah whenever I need it.
When I wake up in the morning, I think of Allah and I say my prayers.
I try to be a good person and I feel guilt when I feel like I am doing something wrong.
I don’t go to mosque because I feel judged. A lot of the women always criticize me for what I am wearing or they just start questioning me and how come I don’t come more often. That is how most places of worship are honestly. I am just there to worship and they are trying to just judge.
I want to feel safe at the mosque but some of the older ladies are just to much.
Again, my heart is Muslim. Sometimes I tell my mother that I wish we lived in a more Muslim populated area, so that I can feel how it feels to celebrate Eid (our holiday) with other Muslims.
Ilham Omar is even apart of #Muslimgirl
This all the juice I have today.