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#36 Ramadan Struggles

Ramadan day one was tough.

*****THE IMAGE FOR THIS POST HAD ME DYING FROM LAUGHTER. LOL

I woke up for breakfast at 4am but I didn’t eat much. I tried having a protein shake but it didn’t taste good. I ended up going back to bed. I woke up at 7:30am for work and I was exhausted. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. My eyelids were heavy and I just felt like I was going to pass out. The worst part was that I knew I was going to have a long day.

I was subbing for a special education class with grade levels from kinder to second grade. There are only ten kids in this class but they could be a handful. I’ve subbed in this class before so I am familiar with their routine. The kids are sweet and that is saying something coming from me.

I took a nap during recess, lunch and after school. I was just so tired. After school, I went home and passed out for thirty minutes before I had to get ready for my next job.

At 4pm, I arrived at my serving job. It was a slow shift but time would not move. I felt really weak. I was happy it was slow because that means I get to go home early! But, around 6:30, it got really busy. Tables after tables after tables. I had to turn on my brain because I didn’t want to mess up peoples orders. Believe it or not, serving is a talent. Not everyone can do it. You have to be good at multitasking and you have to organized and fast. Of course being patient is a must.

I broke my fast around 7:45pm. I had some water, rosemary bread with marinara sauce and three mini chocolate chip cookies. I was trying to save my appetite for my mom’s cooking.

My mom always cooks a feast during Ramadan and I look forward to her food every night. I was sad that I couldn’t be home.

Finally, I finished my side work and my tables had closed their checks, I was able to go home around 8:30pm. I was getting a migraine. I needed to get home and table some Advil before it got worse.

I got home and had some delicious rice with eggplant but I had lost my appetite. I had my medicine and had my mom press my head for a bit. I took a shower and went to bed early. I was exhausted.

It was only the first day and I felt so sick. It made me sad. Is my faith not strong enough? A lot of people don’t understand why I fast. I am always being judged for it. A lot of customers ask me why I look “sad” or “down” and when I mention that I am fasting, they are shocked. Most of them are shocked that I am going without water all day. They always ask a bunch of questions but sometimes I wish they wouldn’t. Only because I am so fatigue. I don’t have the energy to explain and if I have a blaring headache, it doesn’t help. Still, it is nice of them to be curious as long as they don’t judge.

If I don’t fast, I always feel guilt. Trust me, I know it is hard. It is very hard. Especially when you have work and school. It is hard to do anything without fueling your body. But, it is one month out of the year where I can dedicate myself to my religion. In the end, I always feel proud. I do feel closer to Allah. Whenever I feel weak or hungry, I remember Allah. If I lived in an Islamic country it would be easier because everyone is observing Ramadan. So business closer early and every one understands what you are going through. Everyone stays up late to eat and pray and then sleeps in the next day. Obviously, that isn’t how it works in Los Angeles.

When your fasting, you have a lot of time to reflect. I have been reflecting on life in general and question what really matters.

I woke up at 3am with an appetite. I had a protein waffle, fruits, cereal, and rice. I was so hungry. I had a large glass of black tea which really helped relax my body.

This morning I woke up and I did not feel as horrible as yesterday. Luckily, I don’t have to work much today.

I might not blog as much this month because I just don’t have the energy when I am fasting but I will try. I want to stay as consistent as possible. There are a lot of topics that I want to write about in the near future so bare with me.

For Ramadan this year, I pray for health and happiness for everyone I love. It might sound selfish but I also pray for myself. I pray that I beat depression and I pray for Allah to guide me. I pray for my soul. I pray that I don’t get caught up in the materialistic pleasures of the world. I pray to be stronger than what society demands of me and to remember the path of Islam. This life is nothing but a test and it is temporary. My goal in this world is to make sure I reach Jannah or Heaven by being a good person to others and myself.

Happy Ramadan to all my brothers and sisters. May your fast and prayers be accepted by Allah.

P.S

A lot of my customers try to push me to follow my dreams. Yesterday, I told one of them, I don’t know what my dream is anymore.

My brain is filled with a lot of fog

~Frshta

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