I woke up early the next day and headed to work. I worked inside a mall and the holiday hours were long and dreadful. I think I had to be at work at 6am. It was 12/16/12 and it was my coworker’s birthday. I walked in with balloons and a cake for her. She had no idea what was going on because she wasn’t at work the day before. She came in and thanked me for her gifts. Ten minutes later, she was crying about the previous night, which was her birthday celebration. It was just a bunch of girl drama..you know the “he said” …”she said”….that type of stuff. I am not going to lie..it did cross my mind that my brother was dying and this girl is crying about her crappy birthday. But, it wasn’t her fault..she had no idea. A couple of hours later, the third worker walked in…and let the first coworker know what happened the day before. Then the birthday girl approached me and acted like she knew the whole time but she didn’t want to bring it up because it was personal but for some reason she felt like bringing it up now. She was lying and she could have been honest. I mean how was she suppose to know…and I don’t know why she expected me to expect her to know. I don’t expect anything from anyone. My coworkers were walking on eggshells around me. I could hear them whisper behind my back and they didn’t know how to act around me. They celebrated the birthday girl at work that day and I knew they felt awkward about it. I knew I should have just left and I could have. My boss didn’t care but I guess I just wanted to act like everything was fine and that life was normal. I was also just to damn loyal to that toy store and I spent way to much of my life there.
My sister texted me saying that I should come to the hospital and say good bye to Yama. I called my brother, Adres, and said what is going on. He said Yama is dead..He died yesterday when I found him in his home. I hung up the phone feeling lost and confused about what was happening. I called my Uncle Azzim and I said what is going on and he said there is still a chance…don’t loose hope. He made me feel better. I was stupid..like I said..I should have never gone to work that day. I should have stayed home with my family or gone to the hospital. I just did not want to deal with this new reality. Yama had gone to the hospital before and he always got better after a couple of weeks. I wanted this time to be the same I guess. I am embarrassed and disappointed in myself for not being there. A little while later, Geeti texted me. She wrote, “YAMA IS DEAD.”
I can’t even remember that moment to be honest but I remember what happened afterwards. I left work, which was for the best because the party for my coworker had just started.
The rest of the day has pretty much been engraved in my head. It was the longest day of my life. It just wouldn’t end.
I walked up to the fifth floor of the Topanga Mall parking lot. I looked up at the sky and it was pouring rain. I let the rain hit me. The sky was crying and we cried together. I got into my car and I called my ex best friend. I couldn’t even put words together but all she said was I am coming. I am on my way to Los Angeles.
You know what is interesting? I don’t have a relationship with any of those coworkers or my ex best friend and I am so happy about that. People can be toxic.
I pulled up to my street and I could see my house lights were all on. I pulled up to the driveway and I prepared myself for this new reality. I walked into the house and it was this strangeness everywhere. Everyone was moving and preparing. There were chairs set up and there were already so many people in the house. I went into my room and I heard my mom from behind me. I froze and I didn’t know what to do. I turned around and we hugged. She cried into my shoulder and was shaking uncontrollably. She said, “he is gone..he left us..” I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless. She let go and I went into my room and I laid in my bed. My uncle’s wife, Fereba, walked in and said “don’t cry..let him be at peace.”My brother, Adres, walked in and said..”don’t be selfish…he is at peace now..he is wit God.”
I finally got up and went into the living room. My Uncle Azzim let me know that a lot of people were on their way and to prepare myself. He explained that a lot of these people were going to be dramatic and that we will just have to deal with it.
To be continued