A couple weeks before Yama’s life ended…he did some strange things.
Yama decided to visit all of his loved ones…even family that he rarely spoke to.
He visited his best friend and his god son out of nowhere. He just knocked on their door and said I just wanted to come by and say hello.
He visited each one of our relatives homes as well.
It’s like he knew that he was going to died.
He spoke to my mother about all his assets and what to do with them in case something happened. Also, he told her to send his wife back to Afghanistan.
My mom said, “why are you saying these kinds of things…your going to be find..”
Little did she know that he was on his way to another world.
When the family got together during the forty days…everyone realized that they were paid a visit by Yama right before he died. Maybe it was God’s work? I don’t know honestly.
In those forty days…a lot happened….when I look back at it all…it just seems so crazy.
Every Thursday night. family would come over for a prayer for Yama. Food and beverages were served.
One of the Thursday nights, my cousins and I were sitting down and talking. They were telling me their drama about how their parents’ aka my aunt and my uncle…don’t allow them to hang out. I knew why they didn’t. One of my cousins was a troublemaker and my other cousin’s mom didn’t want her son to hang out with a person that dabbled into things like that. They were teenage boys and the last thing any parent wants is for their kid to get into some messed up drama. So I told my troublemaker cousin why none of the parents wanted their kid to hang out with him. He just stared at me in disbelief. I was just being honest because he looked like genuinely didn’t know.
The next day I get a LONG text from another cousin cussing me out saying why did I tell the trouble maker cousin all of that stuff. He insulted my job in his text and called me a lot of names. This was a cousin that I actually grew up with unlike the troublemaker cousin who I saw like once a year. I didn’t respond to the text..instead I forwarded the text to my Uncle Azzim because that’s his father. My Uncle Azzim let me know that he will handle it. A couple of days later, the trouble maker’s mom and dad were at my house and they corned me in front of the entire family asking me why I told their son this. They also mentioned that their son doesn’t want to come to our house anymore. My grandma was upset at me too.
I stared at all of them in disbelief. My brother had just died and you guys are concerned about some he said/she said bullshit? Your suppose to be my family? The trouble makers brothers had actually gone to Vegas the same week that my brother had passed away when it was a time of mourning.
I was very upset so I sent the troublemaker a text. In my message, I let him know that I didn’t expect him to take our conversation and spread it to the entire family and to cause an entire scene. I told him to grow up and that type of behavior was completely uncalled for. My brother who is his cousin just passed away and this is not the time for any of this. Show some f-ing respect. He didn’t take it so well.
All the cousin got into a riff after this incident..sides were chosen…and guess what…no one chose my side. These were cousins that I grew up with and I considered my brothers. BTW all my cousins in LA are boys. It has never been the same since then. I am not holding a grudge but in these moments you truly see who is their for you no matter what. It honestly all just makes me sad. We have never all sat down in person and talked about the entire situation….at the end of the day…they abandoned me during my darkest days. From all of my 20 cousins…I was really close to three of them and now were basically strangers. We see each other like once a year during a holiday and we barely even speak. Life is crazy. Honestly, at this point in my life, I wish them nothing but the best…I have moved on but I really don’t care to be close to any of them.
My mom’s cousin drove down from San Fransisco for the funeral. He remembers Yama when he was a little boy and he was devastated. But, my Uncle Karim (the trouble maker cousin’s dad) and my mom’s cousin aka Uncle Karim’s cousin as well…were not in good terms. They were actually in very bad terms. But, during a time of death..you would think people would put their differences aside in order to honor the deceased. Guess what? That didn’t happened. The cousin showed up with his wife and kids…he saw my mom for an hour…and then got back in the car and drove back home to San Fran. You know why? Because his sisters told him that Uncle Karim was going to cause a scene if he shows up to the funeral. So they told him to leave before a bigger drama started. My mom told him to stay because it was her son and it was her house. She even made him a bed but he left anyways. The next day during the funeral there was chaos over this. The San Fran family were mad that their brother had to leave and didn’t get to see Yama’s face one last time. My great aunt was so upset that her son was dismissed from the funeral. So after the funeral…there was a big has out between the San Fran ladies and my Aunt Fahima(my mom’s sister). They cornered Aunt Fahima but Aunt Fahima is not one to mess with. She cussed them out and let them know that this is a funeral not some type of soap opera. They are still upset about this. LOL They didn’t even attend her son’s wedding three years ago.
My Uncle Karim invited my family over to his house during the forty days. It is common to do this…there is a sang in Farsi….lets shoulder the burden of death together. So immediate family is suppose to invite the family that just lost someone over to their home to help ease their pain. So, I am not close to Uncle Karim’s family but I decided to go because he was doing something nice. I couldn’t find his house and when I finally did…I regretted stepping foot in the house.
All I remember other than getting lost is what my Uncle Karim said to me.
He said, “Yama died because of you and Geeti.”
I didn’t say anything. I was actually fighting back tears. I knew that wasn’t true but it goes back to being shocked that your own blood could treat you so cruelly. Uncle Karim said this because apparently my brother was always concerned about my sister and I and our honor. Afghanis have this weird mindset that would are the honor of the family.
Honestly, I have never been able to look at Uncle Karim the same way.
Those forty days were a lot to take in. On the fortieth day, we wen to Yama’s condo and said the special prayer. We brought one of his favorite foods…kabob…that my parents cooked. We sat on the floor and ate it. We all cried. It was very hard being there. I think that was the last time I was in his condo.
Now when I look back… I think God does things to distract us from the pain of loosing a loved one. So maybe that is why all of this happened? I don’t know.