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#150 alone

There is something about empty streets in the middle of the night. Street lights shining in the dark as the street lights change from green, yellow and red. I can’t help but enjoy the the quiet of the streets and the glowing of the street lights. It reminds me of the Notebook, when Ally and Noah danced in the middle of the lonely street. Lets not forget when the car almost ran them over lol.

I had a very rough day at work and it just added on to my anxiety. It was 7:30pm and there was no in the restaurant for take out. Its Mondays, its dead. My manager knows I am observing a fast but he did not allow me to go home for dinner. Mind you, I had been fasting from 4:40am till 7:46pm, with no food or water. Mind you, I know that my fasting is no one’s problem but my own. Actually that’s exactly what my coworker said last week when I asked him if it was okay for me to leave before him. He said, “Frshta its not my problem that you are fasting and that your Muslim…if I was the manager I wouldn’t let you go..” The same coworker asked me to cover for him this Wednesday and at first I was going to do it but I changed my mind and I let him know that its not my problem that you have plans with your girlfriend. Of course my coworker and the manager on duty tonight are bffs, so the manager decided to be a dick and not let me leave to show his power. I ended up leaving work at 8:45pm literally because my manager was taking his sweet time with everything. What I don’t understand is, how can someone just be okay with another person being hungry and thirsty?

I don’t need anyone’s sympathy but it just sucks that I have to fight for my religious rights. But, a friend/customer made a point to me once…that I shouldn’t live in America because its a Christian based country. You know whats sad? Even if I leave America…I won’t even belong to my mother’s country. I don’t belong anywhere. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even belong in my own family because my mind works so differently then theirs. I don’t belong as a teacher because I can’t connect with children. Apparently, at the restaurant, I am just some religious fasting chick who expects special treatment.

You know what though? God is great. One of the cooks that rarely gives me free food…gave me a plate of food around 8pm…I didn’t even ask him. It was chicken and broccoli in pesto which I love.. I don’t even know how he knew that. The other miracle was that I was not hungry at all. I had no appetite.

Ever night for Ramadan, my mom cooks a huge meal for our family and it makes me sad when I miss it.

I thought about going to HR but I don’t want to cause drama or get fired.

I started watching Hilary on Hulu today. I cried when I watched the first episode. I am not big on politics and I don’t know much about Hilary. But, I was still interested in her documentary. Hilary explained that she did not take her husband’s last name and it caused so much controversy that she had to change it eventually. She was constantly ridiculed by her non girly appearance. Her outfits were always questioned. She was also questioned for her work ethic and some considered her unnatural.

Man, I saw her in a different light after just one episode. She has gone through so much yet she still stand up high and proud for who she is. I cried because Hilary never seemed like she belonged anywhere and I understood that. She didn’t belong with the women or the men. She was always different.

Sometimes its so exhausting being different. It is a constant battle every single day. Some times you just want to be at peace. That’s all I want is peace and happiness. I hope that is in my destiny. Right now, the turmoil in my soul seems never ending. Still, I put my faith Allah. May God see that I am trying to be a good person and I am trying to observe Ramadan the best of my ability. You know, its lonely…lonely being misunderstood but at least I have my faith.

Good night.

~Frshta

2 thoughts on “#150 alone

  1. Sorry, Frshta!
    It’s already a tough world being a girl, I would know it’s even harder when you are religious. But you know what? We girls are so resilient and strong. We get through so much just being on our own. At some point or another we realize how important we are to ourselves in our lives and we finally don’t allow disrespect and mistreatment. We learn to be our own cheerleaders 🙂 we’ll all reach that point one way or another. P.s I would leave that place if you feel like they’re mistreating you.

    Like

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