One of my goals for 2021 is to write a blog once a week. I am trying my best to keep this goal, but I almost failed it when I started. I kept thinking about what to write for my next blog. I didn’t want this to be anothing thing I am constantly thinking about but never do because I tend to do this a lot. Sometimes I don’t feel like writing or editing because I know I make a lot of mistakes or my sentences can be written better. This discourages me but the point of this blog was for me to practice my writing and a way to express myself. It was supposed to be a therapeutic activity for me. I am not sure why it lost that purpose. Maybe, I started becoming afraid of being judged.
So! This weeks topic is going to be MINDSET. In my opinion a person’s mindset is the key to a happy, healthy and peaceful life. However, achieving an astounding mindset isn’t always easy. It is one of the struggles of being human. Humans are in a constant battle with themselves. Let me elaborate! I am about to word vomit therefore bare with me okay? =)
These last couple of weeks I have tried my best to control my thoughts specifically the negative thoughts. The negative thoughts are usually self sabatoging and tend to dip into the past. Memories are a gift but we shouldn’t live in them. We should try to be present and focus on the moment we have right now. I try to have the same attitude about the future. Yes, goals are important but I have no idea what is going to happen tommorow.
Again, this is extremely challenging because our minds usually have control over everything. Still, it is possible. I am fond of meditation but it is challenging for me. One reason I enjoy meditation is because it keeps me present and shut down all the worldy noise. One of the reasons I love being a Muslim is because of the importance of prayer and meditation.
Mindset isn’t about living in the present or the past but it is all connected. Mindset is also about how you choose to live your life. You can make your life very difficult or very simple. The choice is yours. If your mindset is to constantly bring the past up then that is your choice. You are choosing to live in the past instead of focusing on the now. I have done this many times. I keep reliving bad events of the past in my mind. It effected my emotions tremendously and would put me in a sour mood. There were times where my mind lived in the future too. I kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong in my future. None of it was positive thoughts. One day I told myself that if I keep thinking about all of this negativity then I am attracting it. I was driving myself crazy.
I wanted to be present and I wanted peace. So I purchased a self-care journal and tried to accomplish the little challenges that the book assigned to me. I dusted off my prayer mat and tried to pray once a day and I kept asking God for peace of mind. I tried breathing exercises and meditating. I read a book and spent time stretching. These are all practices I added to my daily life.
But, one of the main things that helped me greatly was to stop being negative. It is so easy to sit in your foul mood and to spread it to others. I would go to work with a negative attitude and I would be so angry. I would complain and I would have something to say about every little thing that I disagreed with. Everything from customers to policy changes to coworker drama. This caused me so much stress and depression. So one day, I just stopped. I was mentally exhausted and I was so tired of being unhappy. So I stopped complaining and I decided to just go to work with a positive attitude. Put in my hours and keep your nose out of bad situations. I kept my opinion to myself and it was a great decision. The results were amazing. I felt physically lighter and happier. My job isn’t the best place but it isn’t the worst place either. I won’t be there forever. It is only temporariy so just make the best out of it. So why get upset over things I don’t even have control over? This new MINDSET helped my mental health.
Also, I tend to over think about my career. I am constantly trying to think of what I can do for my career. One day I want to open a business, one day I want become a full time teacher, one day I am a filmmaker, one day an online business owner, a fashion designer and so on. Somedays I get very upset at God for not showing me a path. What is my purpose? What am I suppose to be doing? Why can’t I figure it out? Why am I so lost? I get down on myself about this. I feel trapped and like I can’t move forward. I try so hard but I am not even sure which direction to go to. I feel like I am in quick sand trying my best to keep afloat. I am so proud of my friends and family for finding their way but why can’t I find mine? It has gotten to the point that I have forgotten my passions, and what drives me. If you know me personally your probably thinking “Frshta you still haven’t figured it out?” No, I haven’t and it depresses me. I am constantly looking for direction or a sign and I can’t see anything. The thought of becoming a full time teacher depresses me even more. It feels like I am going to be trapped. Nothing against teachers but I can’t see myself doing that for the rest of my life. Am I being silly? Since I am already in the field should I just go all the way? My heart is just not in it but I wish it was. The film industry spit me out and broke my heart. Honestly, I don’t love the life style. I miss being creative but I feel like I can’t do it anymore. It’s like my brain can’t handle it. So, I decided to stop thinking about it. I decided to stay still after some advice from a friend. She said it is a time for me to be still and it will come to me organically. I want to believe her words.
So I have been working on not thinking about my career, not complaining at work and trying to live a more present life.
One more thing I changed is to try and have some fun. I usually have the same routine every week and it can get dull. The same friend recommended I “shake it up” and try some different activities. It is challenging right now because of COVID19 but I am trying. I played some video games this past week online with friends which I have never done. It was a lot of fun and I was able to spend time with friends virtually. I talked to one of my best friends on the phone after a long time. We always have the most thoughtful conversations and I am grateful. reconnecting brought me joy. I chose to stay away from negative gossip when I was around my family. My dad’s blood pressure is very high so I decided to pray for him. This all helped.
I want to be a better person. I want to show love and kindness to all those around me. I want purpose in my life. I want to be happy. I want to move more because I miss exercising so much. Walking is great but I miss strength training. I want to be present and listen to my body. I want a healthy and peaceful mind. I want to have a relationship with God. I just want to be the best version of myself and to help make the world a better place.
Conclusively, I am a work in progress. So many ups and downs this week but I am choosing to focus on the positive. I am also choosing to take it day by day and to be kind to myself. It is okay if I don’t accomplish everything I wanted to in one day. There is always tomorrow.
Thank you for reading. It means the world. God bless you and your loved ones. Stay safe and work on your mindset.