***I spent my days last week listening to spoken word poetry by Rupi Kaur. To my surprise, I was gifted her new book later in the week. Strange right? (Thank you Joanna). Synchronizing is what my therapist calls it. Enjoy this random spoken word poem. Kind of want to do an open mic night soon or someday. Thank you!

I put clothes on my bare naked body to cover up because that’s what God would want me to do.

I am told to cover because God wants me too.

Yet, others tell me that covering up is oppression, yet I want to cover up.

I recall myself as a young girl wearing baggy shirts and big sweats, so the boys don’t look at me.

I wore baggy clothes to protect myself from the gaze of those that shouldn’t be gazing at me.

Some of those being within my own blood.

Still, here I am in my country and they are telling me that being naked is free, yet they tell me to listen to my parents because they know best. But, my parents are telling me to cover up to protect myself? Are they right or wrong? I’m confused.

They tell me one day I will die and the Lord will punish me for showing too much.

Here I am, 29 years old and I love clothes. I’m ashamed of it because it makes me feel like a typical girl. My room is small.

I buy clothes to feel beautiful yet I don’t feel it. I don’t feel pretty and a hair cut didn’t help. I touch my body and wonder when will I shed some weight?

Lord I cry because…

Tears fall from my eyes because you’ve given me these tears.

You’ve given me the gift to feel, yet I feel so much at times I feel too much…I feel too much that I don’t know what to do with these feelings.

When I was younger they told me this is normal…that the teenage life carries these types of emotions and now I am a full grown woman and these emotions are worse.

The emotions come and go…come and go…like the tide..comes and goes. I wonder if the moon’s gravity, which effects the ocean, effect my emotions too.

I picture my emotions going down to my toes then all the way back to the top of my scalp at the same time my organs are visible, my blood flow adjusts through the motions.

I am ashamed of my emotions because no matter what culture I go to I’m told this is what women are like…women cry and when it’s their time of the month they’re even more emotional and dramatic. However dramatic we are..you still yearn for the curves of a woman to run through the palms of your hands.

Is it interesting that certain emotions are loved yet other emotions are frowned upon. Do you think you get to choose which emotions you get to live with and which ones you get to throw away….or only the ones that are unlivable?

I constantly look in the mirror and I see the black bags under my eyes and I see the forehead wrinkles that are haunting me each time I look in the mirror. I think of the story of the girls who never had a mirror and then once they did that’s all they thought about was there looks. I think maybe I should take all the mirrors and throw them away. Throw them away along with all my insecurities. Beauty is such an important thing. Rupi kaur says that beauty is skin deep yeah why do I feel so ugly? My soul yearns.

I feel and I feel.

What is your name my name?

My name is Frshta and I’ll be your server.

What was that?

My name is Frshta and I’ll be your server.

No, I meant that name. What is that name.

My name is Frshta.

That’s a different type of name. Oh but it’s beautiful.

Do they really mean that or is she just saying it?

Where is that from?

Afghanistan.

I thought you were related to the family of this Italian restaurant. Afghani people don’t like look like you. Aren’t they darker? You are so lucky to be here.

Here I am honored to be serving you because you let me in your country right? But, this is my country too. Right?

Love,

Frshta

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